That’s all she wrote… here anyway

Snow White has made the executive decision to NOT move back to North Carolina next year and NOT to teach again. My biggest sadness comes from the fact that I’m pretty sure my life isn’t interesting enough to blog about on it’s own so I’m losing TONS of material!!

So, you ask what’s this fantastic job that I must have gotten in order to give up my stable (though seriously not enough) paycheck in such a floundering economy? Ha! That’s the best part. Nothing. I’m going to waitress and work for my dad. And find out what I REALLY wanna do.

Ick! How cliché! God, I hate when I’m stereotypical. Here’s an idea, why didn’t I figure this out before I went to college so I didn’t waste five four years on a psychology degree that most employers see as being about as valuable as a portable breathalyzer. Cool that you have it, but once you’re drunk enough to need it, you’ll have forgotten, so what’s it really gonna do for ya?

I now must leave you with the most life-changing news you’ll read today. (it is life-changing, just not yours) Snow White is done. The name doesn’t fit anymore. I considered leaving it, but then I was tweeted this message this morning by a kind gentleman

“Will we ever see Snow White the rated R version?”

Without the excuse of being a teacher with 76 students, the only other reason for a blog/twitter with that name is if I were porn star who specialized doing the dirty with little men. Seeing how that’s not the case, (I prefer men that are taller than me) I better make a change.

So email me or leave a comment and I’ll tell you where to go if you’re bored enough to keep up with my new, slightly more boring life.

It’s been great! Love ya!

Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi! My first TMI: Thursday post

My college boyfriend graduated the semester after I did. The day before his graduation he was commissioned into the Navy as an officer. His ship is stationed across the country and he was leaving directly from school. So I took a week off work to stay with him for all the celebrations and to put in some quality time before he was shipped off.

I’m not a light packer. I’m not even an average packer. I’m of the “pack for all contingencies- you never wanna be in a bind without the perfect pair of shoes” mentality. So I brought a lot of shit with me for this 8 day vacay.

I was staying with him in his very boy-esque college apartment. Meaning: small, dirty, cramped, and disorganized due to all the packing going on. So I was left with the hallway for all my girly, pretty, expensive belongings. Whatever, no big deal. I can’t take a chance that he may wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, step on a new pair of shoes and break the heel off or anything! Right? So in the hall was the best option.

He was the only boy in the house with a girlfriend. I can’t tell you the amount of times that I cleaned their kitchen and did all their laundry (not just his)- but I kinda got the feeling toward mid-week that the roomies were getting a little tired of me being there. I mentioned it to him a couple of times and he told me I was being ridiculous.

Well not only was it his graduating/commissioning weekend, but also 2 of his roommates. So you can imagine the serious partying that’s going on this week. So one night we come home after the bars close and notice that his roommate is passed out in his boxers halfway into his room. We chuckle and leave him there, passing out ourselves (but waiting to actually get to bed).

I wake up around 4:30 to my boyfriend yelling his roommates name, we’ll call him “Fuller” (movie anyone? if you know the movie, you can guess where this is heading…)

**Background Info** My boyfriend is a screamer. Not when he’s awake, only when he’s asleep. So it is not anywhere near unusual for him to wake up yelling about guns or snakes or being in some military situation that I have to deescalate by kindly waking him up. **Please continue**

So he’s screaming “Fuller, stop it! Fuller!!!” and I’m yelling “Boyfriend, it’s okay. It’s okay. Go back to sleep.” and this goes back and forth for about 10 seconds until I realize I am the one who is unaware of my surroundings this time.

What’s that noise? It sounds like water. It sounds like water is hitting the wall. It sounds like a dog is peeing on the carpet. Oh, there’s Fuller. Why’s is he standing in the hallway by Boyfriends door?

OH.MY.GOD!!! OMFG!! NOOOOOOO!!!!

Yes. Oh yeah. Fuller was definitely peeing ALL OVER my stuff in the hallway!!!! You wanna talk about being passive aggressive?!?! I still swear to this day he subconsciously did it because he was mad that I was visiting for so long.

Best part is, after we cleaned everything up, poor Boyfriend said, “I just couldn’t figure out why you were yelling at me.” Sweet Boyfriend

No sir, that’s not my book. Someone must have slipped it into my carry-on

So I'm sitting in the airport, waiting on my flight to San Diego. I've known I was going for months now... do you think I would have planned a little bit ahead of time?!? Shhyea, right. After running around like crazy trying to find the appropriate attire, travel accessories, and getting all spiffed up, I surprisingly got here EARLY! (Alert the presses! This is a first) I did everything right for security and even got a new line opened up for me (a little shameless flirting is completely acceptable).

Now I've settled into my gate for the full hour wait before my plane actually boards and I'm facing a dilemma.... I want to read this book. I started it two days ago and I'm already half way through. It's pretty big too! (yes, that's what SHE said) I'm not really the most focused reader, I like to buy books and read the first couple of chapters, then I get distracted. But this one's really got me going. I woke up at 3am this morning to go to the bathroom which went from a 30 second wake time to 30 minutes because I started reading. GREAT, you say. What's the problem?

 
The problem, my friend, is that I'm embarrassed to read it in public. I'm sure some of you are going to be offended by this and some of you will think I'm dumb because it's created such a cult following. Yes, it's Twilight. I refused and refused to read it, but now it's summer and I figured what the heck.

OMG! It's so good. I know why everyone loves Edward. He's sooo tall dark and handsome (well at least the one I've created in my head, he doesn't really look like Rob Pattinson) and funny, sarcastic and mega smooth. I’m the kind of person who really gets into books, movies, etc. so I’m loving all this high school emotion!

So here I am, sitting trying to decide if I will brave the scornful looks. I brought a very respectable CIA novel to read so I look more grown up and not so bandwagon... but I'm pretty sure as soon as I board it will be Twilight for the next 5 hours!!!

What's your guilty pleasure? Are you a Twilight fan?

Awe-summ!! or not… you decide

 

Okay, I really hate to get mushy… but it’s necessary for this brief moment. I’ve met lots of sweet and interesting people through blogging this year, with many kind words of wisdom and encouragement. I’ve been in and out of the blogosphere (okay, more out recently). But whenever I’m M.I.A there is usually one person that will wonder where I’ve been and that’s Stevy @ The rest is still unwritten. Which is why I’m soo honored to have received the most royal of awards from her (even though my friendship is flaky!)

I am the new Queen of ALLL Things Awe-Summm!!! I always knew I was a queen, I didn’t know it was that obvious to others!

My Queen duties include:
1. List 7 things that make me Awe-Summm
2. Pass the award onto 7 bloggers that I love
3. Tag those bloggers to let them know they are now Queens too (and link back to the Queen who tagged you)

 

And so, 7 things that make me awe-summ!! are:

• I survived teaching 90 pre-teen brats (I mean lovelies) without killing myself, a child, or turning into a wart-bearing witch!
• I can open the refrigerator door with my shoulder blades. Don’t ask me how I figured this out… but I can remember wowing my friends with this trick as a child. Can’t quite get the picture, let me show ya

(new blog name= Snow White: side-show freak!)

• I have an uncanny ability to quote movie and TV lines. and last night I found out that I can identify movies from the opening music. (that one wowed my sister big time!)I have the added capability to work said movie lines into everyday conversations… seemlessly!
• I can have a good time anywhere! My best friend once said to me “I always hated parades until I went to one with you”
• My breast can always tell when it’s going to rain, it’s like I have ESPN or something                    just kidding
• The Wii Fit says I’m “poetry in motion”
• My sisters boyfriend says that I cannot be used as a benchmark for normalcy.

Example       BF to Sis: What are you doing?

                  Sis to BF: Sitting in a laundry basket.

                  BF to Sis: You’re weird

                  Sis to BF: No I’m not, Snow does it

 

That’s the best I could come up with, truth is… you can’t put my awe-summ-ness in words!

 

I now dub the following ladies the new Queens!

1. Brittany Ann @ Living in the Moment
2. sAm @ I've been set free
3. Queen Bee @ I'll get there... eventually
4. Littlesack @ Navigating the Quarter Life
5. CBK @ Plan aCourtingly
6. Jess @ The pure and simple truth
7. DAR @ Just another day in Paradise

Thanks again Stevy!!

Do you sell TV's with that mouth?

So riddle me this, Batman: if Disney is that happiest place on Earth, why did good ole Walt put it in Orlando?!? I’m fairly certain some of the country’s most rude folks reside there.

Let me share Exhibit A. I met my sister in Orlando for her birthday. (You get in for free on your birthday this year. If yours hasn’t passed yet, come on down!) We were going to Panera for bagels before hitting the park. She’s driving and we find a spot someone is backing out of. As we are waiting and the car starts to pull out towards us, I see this guy whip into the spot!! (picture the scene from Fried Green Tomatoes- Tawanda!!!!)

What happened to ladies first??? We found another spot about 5 down from him and as we were walking into Panera, he was unlocking the Sony store next to it (apparently someone trusts this jerk enough to manage their store). Being the mouthy smart ass I am, I couldn’t help but say something.

Me: I’m so glad you got that parking spot. Wouldn’t want you to be late for work!

Sony Ass: You’re a real bitch you know it! Why don’t you go f*ck yourself!

Unbelievable!! Some people have no couth!!!

First Lesson Learned: Don't buy your next TV from the Sony store in Orlando. If you tried to return it for a faulty product, they'd probably cuss you out.

Second Lesson Learned: If you're planning to build a theme park- do it in the middle of a more hospitable state. Just because South Florida is in the south, doesn't mean we practice that sweet idea of Southern Hospitality!

Missing teacher found on street mentally abused and exhausted

Orlando, FL-- Saturday morning a female in her mid-twenties was found disheveled and wandering around the happiest place on Earth. The woman was muttering about students, Hitler, not enough time to save South America, and picture messages. She appeared to be physically and mentally exhausted- and clearly in need of a spa day. The authorities have speculated that whoever is responsible for running this poor woman into the ground dropped her off at Disney World in an attempt to help her relax.

After speaking with the woman it was apparent that she was, in fact, certifiably insane. She is a 6th grade teacher in North Carolina. She completed her first year teaching on June 10, after many trials and tribulations. She has given word to her boss that she WILL return next year. Is she mentally stable enough to be teaching our youth? When asked what brought her to this exhausted state, she had many stories that would scare any sane person out of this job. She seemed to be a glutton for punishment. Hopefully she will take this summer to recharge her batteries, possibly take up a cool hobby- like blogging… and do something about that mop on her head.

Sitting pretty like a lion... or not

I just came from getting a mani/pedi- supposed to be a relaxing experience. I brought a book and a magazine, never knowing what kind of mood I will be in.

Well…. I wish I could say that I know what the cover of InTouch meant when they sucked me in with “Jen and Brad TOGETHER AGAIN” but nope. I sat down in the pedicure seat getting all my essentials out- phone, diet coke, magazine – and quickly realized this was going to be impossible. As another woman has wooshed over and put oil on my hands and stuck em’ in the heater thing! Then a third comes up and attempts to wax my eyebrows while the back massager was shaking me like a martini!

They tag teamed me like I was a two cent whore on rent day!!

They weren’t busy or anything, they were just being efficient- I know. See the problem is, I never give myself time to read magazines or books anymore. I’m either reading material for school or … sleeping. I was really looking forward to the down time. But it was more like I was a stock car on pit row at the Daytona 500- all my shiz gettin jacked at the same time, no second wasted!! I tried to close my eyes and relax- trying to channel my inner Lion from the Wizard of Oz. You know, when they go to the Emerald City and get the star treatment, and they are doing his hair, nails and such all at once. He made it look so glamorous, in my case… not so much

I tried to find a picture for you, but all I could find is the trailer, right at 58 seconds is the scene I'm thinking about, for all of you who haven't watched the movie back and forth like I have.

So my question to you… Would you have said something like, “I’d prefer if you did my nails after my toes” or would you have sat there like me???